Top 5 Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman.

1. Wow! You really are swelling up, aren't you? (Response: Exasperated sigh and tongue lashing.)

2. How many times have you gone to the bathroom already? (Response: Light to medium smack, severe tongue lashing.)

3. Are you waddling? (Response: Heavy to severe smack, cursing. Note: Having a child repeat the phrase is not considered cute and does not help the cause.)

4. You look like you're having twins. (Response: Significant impact from the heaviest object allowable.)

5. Did you have that baby and forget to call us? (Response: Because this phrase would be uttered by a non-spousal unit, going totally medieval on the person saying this is commonplace.)